You might be playing a supporting role. But, you've got main character energy.
(Even if it doesn't always feel like it, there's a whole lot more to you than being a stepmom. I know it and you know it… or else you wouldn't be here right now.)
This “helping raise someone else's kids” gig can be baffling, triggering, and straight-up exhausting.
It can *also* be profoundly fun and fulfilling. (More on that in a minute.)
It takes empathy, dedication, and heaps of vulnerability to engage lovingly in a family system you didn’t create.
You've got an important part to play. (You just weren't given a script.)
HOW DO I KNOW? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE, TOO.
Hi, I'm Michaela!
By my 30th birthday, I'd pretty much planned out the rest of my life: I'd live somewhere warm (you can take the girl out of California…), own my childfree identity, and be solely responsible for myself.
*insert thundering cosmic laughter*
Cut to me a decade later, choosing from my growing collection of warm layers before I walk two exceptionally spoiled pups around the Minnesota neighborhood where I live with my husband and two teen stepsons.
For all her careful planning, there’s no way Past Me could've predicted the changes in store. Certainly not that most unexpected title:
Stepmom.
To be honest, I think if that version of me could see what was coming, she’d be confused– and a little scared. Because she’s made a tidy plan, and this looks… messy.
If I could travel back in time, I’d tell her it’s messy, yes, but also fulfilling and fun. Thrilling, actually. Like a carnival ride! (And what a ride it’s been.)
I’d tell that version of myself to buckle up. And maybe loosen her grip on the wheel.
I’d say:
Things won’t always go the way you plan. What a relief.
These days, I feel more at home in this role than I ever could've imagined. Life isn't stress-free or simple, but it's genuinely fun.
In fact, most of the time, I radiate so much happiness that people are surprised to learn I'm a stepmom.
(Stop and let that sink in for a sec.)
Listen: The stepmom challenges are real. But, so are the opportunities. And as someone who's experienced (and continues to experience) both, I feel a responsibility to share what I've learned so far.
Becoming a stepmom rocked my world in just about every way. And while this role has brought me so much joy and fulfillment… ironically, the path to a healthy stepmom identity hasn't always been intuitive.
Where's the irony in that, you ask? Well, because…
Wellness is kinda my thing.
When I say I'm "into" wellness, I'm not just referring to my hefty podcast queue or the tower of books on my nightstand. I've spent the past 20 years studying human psychology, mental health, and how they play out in real-world settings, like workplaces, relationships, and families.
My career closet's filled with all the hats I've worn in this field: I've led research teams, taught college students, counseled patients, translated data into everyday English for wide audiences… At one point, I even got paid to lie, pretending to be an undergrad as part of a research experiment on– wait for it– authenticity.
I've dedicated my working life to wellness, and I've also tried hard to practice what I preach. Witnessing over and over the power (and the fragility) of mental health has served as both a call to action and humbling reminder that self-care isn't just a cute idea– it's crucial.
But, even though I technically "knew better", nothing could've prepared me for the stepmom role and what it would mean for my own well-being…
Stepmom life: The ultimate Fractured Fairy Tale
Even though we haven't officially met yet, I'm guessing at some point you've experienced some version of this story:
Meet that person who makes you feel all the feelings. Marvel at the intricate series of twists and turns that have flung you two together.
Acknowledge the unique complexity of embarking on a relationship with this person because… this person is a parent.
Turn to the internet for insight, support, and encouragement. Discover cesspool of mixed messages. Second-guess everything, including your feelings about this person– until something inevitably happens to remind you why they're worth it.
*Repeat cycle*
Any woman who's ever stress-Googled "dating someone with kids help" at 3am knows that it yields a weird and confusing mashup of pseudo-resources:
"Aspirational" (read: unrelatable) stepfamily stories. (Often with accompanying photos of grinning ex-couple (they're still best friends!) with their new partners and all the kids. Holding hands. At Disney World. In matching t-shirts.) The kind of story that makes you both roll your eyes AND feel like a total failure.
Sobering statistics, terrifying tales, and embittered ("RUN, don't walk, away from this life!!") rants on open forums– all of which leave you wondering: Is anyone happy?
That was my experience, anyway.
And while it's gotten a lot(!) better over the past decade, the fact remains: There's a serious resource gap that's leaving a growing population of stepmoms underrepresented and unsupported.
MAYBE YOU'VE FELT IT, TOO?
In the private thoughts or worries you don't feel comfortable sharing with your (non-stepmom) family or friends.
In the constant quest for answers to your stepfamily stressors (and the inevitable disappointment with what you find).
In the nagging sense that you're losing touch with who you were before you become a stepmom.
While I may not be able to wave a wand and magically erase your stress, I *can* help you see that genuine joy and fulfillment are possible if you're open to taking a good look within and trying out some new strategies.
*Cue montage of you, living a stepmom life you're proud of*
Fairy tale translation? If you've been feeling like a damsel in distress, this is the part where I sweep you off your feet.
ALLLL THAT TO SAY
I'd love to be your stepmom coach.
I'm on a mission to create a healthier world of thriving families by prioritizing and promoting the wellness of stepmoms. But, lofty goals aside, I believe you matter, and your happiness is inherently valuable. Whether you're seeking 1:1 coaching, quality information, or a safe place to connect with other stepmoms, I'm here to help you find what you need.
step · mom / ˈstepmäm/
noun
FROM THE BLOG
TUNE IN
The Anxious Stepmom
ON AIR
Interested in booking me to speak?
Thank you for trusting me to speak to your audience! I'd love to learn more.
“Michaela has been both a guest on my podcast and an Expert Contributor inside my membership, delivering one of our most popular interviews to date. Her real-life, actionable tools, combined with her personal experience, have been incredibly valuable. I cannot say enough about her contribution to my platform!
—Jamie Scrimgeour | The Kick-Ass Stepmom Membership
Forget the fairytale. Let's create your own version of “happily ever after”.
First things first: I'll help you ditch the unhelpful narratives about how it has to be and embrace a stepmom identity that's all your own— so you can worry less, shift your energy to whatever lights you up, and start having way more fun.
